he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
