He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize