A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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