Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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