While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
