I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
