You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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