No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize