So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
And then he peed in my hair
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