It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize