you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
PANTIES FOUND
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