while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
