the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
