and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
