So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
