Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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