you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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