I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
love makes seman taste better
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Gay?
German.
Pity.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
