Hey man sorry I got all grabby
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
