the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
