i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i may or may not be watching the land before time
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
