you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
