When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
