i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
