Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
