No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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