I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
