I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
