If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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