the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
