I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
