it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
