so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
