Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Use "feeling words"
Yay
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
