I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
