What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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