i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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