Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
