question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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