Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
50% drunk capacity currently
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
