The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize