I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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