Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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