As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
