i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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