I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
