Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
