Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize