I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
