he told me I talked like a deaf person
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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