Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Is Oprah even human
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
