ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
