i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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