that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
