The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
