sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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