Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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