You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
