Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
BRING THE BAGELS
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
