Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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