hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He uses pillows to masturbate.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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