My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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