Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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