Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
