Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
