a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
