Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I yelled at your uterus for you.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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