Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
