While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
