Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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