I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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