She's JV to your varsity
I am spending my child support on dildos
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
