Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
