I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize