i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
