apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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