problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize