maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
