They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize