So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize