we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize