East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
